I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did i walk over a car last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
