girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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