Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
