So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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