we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
