Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
