i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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