atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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