Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
