Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm both gender and math confused
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
