Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
