the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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