Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need water and some morals
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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