Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
