so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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