My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
