Are we in a gay sports bar?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
