I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
