I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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