A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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