Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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