roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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