The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
