dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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