everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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