based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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