I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
