So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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