go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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