I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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