After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
