So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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