He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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