whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
