I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
