i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
me + whiskey = a bad person
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
