Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
