eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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