I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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