last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
