dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
