Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
