tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
