I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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