You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
