I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
