I just made out with a guy for $7.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
