Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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