Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
