Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
