Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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