I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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